My foot is hurting. The pain is going from my heel to my neck.
I went to my mom's room to bring her to the kitchen to give her her PM meds. She's laying in bed with no bottoms on, at all. I find poopie toilet paper scattered in her room. The toilet is backed up. I can't find her panties that she was wearing. I'm cleaning her room up and searching for dirty panties and the pain shoots right up my leg from my heel. Excruciating pain.
Still can't find the panties.
I just want to cry at the frustration, the pain and the monotony of it all.
When she's showing her yogurt the fruit I just brought to her, what does it do to me?
When she's holding her baby and showing me to her baby and saying, "There's your mommy!" "There's your mommy!" "There's your mommy!" "There's your mommy!" "There's your mommy!", what does it do to me?
Hello, everyone. Hope your holidays are blessed -- not stressed! I have just done something that has filled me with guilt: I asked my brother to contribute towards my mom's care. Mom has Alzheimer's and lives with me 24/7. She sold her house but we used that money to pay for in-home companion care -- until her long-term health insurance kicked in. Even with that, and her social security check -- it's tough to make ends meet. To make matters worse, my daughter just finished college and now her school loans are due. My brother lives in Alaska -- I'm in NJ. He calls mom every week or two, but doesn't ever visit.
I have taken no time away from my mom since she moved in - more than a year ago. I am emotionally exhausted, and the financial worries only add to the stress. Yes - mom has insurance and social security -- but it still costs a lot to take care of her. I will keep her at home as long as possible -- and when that's no longer safe, I'll try to get her into assisted living. At that point, I won't worry about money, because it's covered by her insurance. It's just this in-between time. My brother sounded exasperated. He's got kids in college, too - and he figured mom's situation was all paid for by her insurance,social security. He said he'd do what he could -- I did NOT name a figure -- but I feel terribly guilty about asking him for money. I have been paying a lot towards keeping my daughter in college -- and I could cut back on that. But I don't want to renege on my promise to her, either. Did I do the wrong thing in asking my brother to contribute towards mom's upkeep?
PLEASE let me know ASAP. I don't want to antagonize him - or have him demand a monthly accounting of mom's finances, etc etc. That'd just make more work for me.
You did NOT do wrong by asking for your brothers help. by the way, I totally fail to understand why NOBODY has replied before this. that isn't very nice. anyway, NO, you did NOTHING wrong.
BUT, don't expect any help. in the real world, people often if not always care ONLY about themselves. obviously, there are exceptions. like you for one example :)
I truly wish you all the luck possible with this. but I'm afraid some people just can't be bothered. my sister retired 2 days ago from a govt. job, with full pension. plus, she paid in to have her time in the military count as 20 years (not sure how that works..another scam) so, there's TWO retirements. and she is staying on in her old job as a temp for $35.00 per hour. I don't get a wooden nickel from anyone for taking care of my Mom. not a penny.
A WAKE-UP CALL TO FAMILY MEMBERS... For some reason, agreement regarding the financial compensation for care of a family member is typically so much more straight forward when the caregiver is not a member of the family. This applies even to the person receiving the care. All of a sudden, the $10 or $15 per hour that is seen as fair compensation for outside care seems extravagant for a daughter, son or other relative who is usually giving a much higher quality of care...plus love. It is that higher level of care and the emotions that are invested to give that care which are so easily overlooked and taken for granted. Just because a family member decides that they would like to be the one to give the care does not mean they do not deserve, at the very least, the financial compensation that would be unthinkable to withhold from an employed caregiver. Even if the money is not needed, it is about gratitude, respect and acknowledgment of the sacrifices and loving care being given that money can't buy.
Another avenue to alert siblings of the cost caring for your Mom is to put pen to paper. I created a spreadsheet and list monthly expenses to include clothing, transportation, food and add the time I have invested as well. Then send a doctor's report on her visits along with the spreadsheet monthly or quarterly to your siblings letting them know your investment in her care. They have no earthly idea how much it costs to support a human being that cannot care for themselves. Seeing it in writing makes it a reality. Attend some support groups and don't be afraid to ask for help. These groups have so many resources that can alleviate some of your stress. Seems strangers are more willing to give you the support you need than our own families are.
By all means, find a support group! You would be amazed at the information AND help you will get! My husband has advanced Alzheimers, and is currently in a nursing home, but I cared for him until 3 months ago, when I physically could not do it any longer. I asked his sons if they could help financially, NO WAY! One son has never even called to see how his dad is doing, the other son calls about once a month, but the DIL told me "Well, you know they haven't been close for a long time." Both sons live on the East coast and we are midwesterners. It's a sad world we live in, families just plain don't care! As long as it doesn't cost them anything, they are loving & caring, but the moment sickness comes along, or financial burdens, they can't (won't) help! The Alzheimers Association can guide you to the right resources! Good Luck and hang in there, God gives us caregivers special blessings!
March 18, 2011 | Los Angeles At First Blush Michel Dozois's Blushing Coed Cocktail Recipe
Unless you’re a 1950s sorority girl, pink drinks aren’t easy to swallow.
But Michel Dozois, head barsmith at LACMA’s new Ray’s and Stark Bar, has a fresh spin on the Pink Lady, a pre-women’s lib classic. Behold the Blushing Coed. Though the name doesn’t do much for third-wave feminism, the recipe is a thoroughly modern concoction (with not a drop of grenadine to be found).
Pair with a heated debate over the cultural merits of Camille Paglia and the Girls Gone Wild franchise.
Blushing Coed Serves one
Ingredients ¾ oz. fresh lemon juice 1 oz. gin 1 oz. Laird’s Applejack ¾ oz. simple syrup 4 raspberries 1 egg white 1 Névé shaking cube or a handful of ice cubes
1. Jigger the lemon juice and pour into a shaker.
2. Add the gin, Applejack, and simple syrup, and then add the raspberries and muddle.
3. Add egg white and shake. Add ice and shake again.
4. Strain concoction into a cocktail glass.
5. Garnish with a raspberry and serve.
Ray’s and Stark Bar, 5905 Wilshire Boulevard, at Fairfax Avenue, Miracle Mile (323-857-6180 or patinagroup.com).
March 18, 2011 | Everywhere Pineapple Express The Hurricane Club's No. 17
We know you have more than half a brain, and it doesn’t take a genius to realize that sipping a bourgie pina colada is a great idea. Take a vacation with this creation from Richard Leach of NYC’s The Hurricane Club, a Polynesian-themed restaurant and tiki bar that’s always on island time.
No. 17 Serves one
Ingredients
For the drink 2 oz. spiced rum 4 oz. pineapple, lemongrass, and coconut mixer (recipe below) Cocoa nib bitters 2 fresh kaffir lime leaves ½ oz. lime juice
1. Pour all ingredients into a shaker with ice. Shake and transfer to a tall glass.
2. Garnish with pineapple or other tropical fruit, mint, and flowers.
For the mixer 2 oz. pineapple juice ½ tbsp. fresh lemongrass, chopped Zest of 1 lemon 2 oz. coconut milk ½ oz. water
1. Combine juice, lemongrass, and zest. Microwave for 90 seconds.
2. Cover and let sit 30 minutes.
3. Add milk and water.
The Hurricane Club, 360 Park Avenue South, at 26th Street (212-951-7111 or thehurricaneclub.com).
