The long goodbye has come to an end.
October 8, 2012, I think it was around 2 pm, my mom took her last breath in my home, in her bedroom.
Everyday, I see her laying in her hospital bed that was in her bedroom, looking as if she were sleeping. When I saw her, I immediately knew she had passed even before I walked up to her to check. Everyday, that is how I remember her. I try to remember her the was she was before...a week before...a month before...a year before...etc., and I just can't. This is all I see.
(If you have pictures or videos of my mom during this "hospice" time through the time of the memorial service, could you please send them to me, e-mail them to me. I would appreciate it so much.)
I'm sorry. I'm afraid I will be bouncing around with my thoughts and memories as I share them with you. This is something I need to do, though. Everyday I tell myself, I need to blog. I need to update the status of Mom.
Date taken: 10/4/2012
I think it was at the time my mom went with hospice and people started coming to help me is when my nervous breakdown began. Everything was being done for me to maintain the house while we cared for Mom. It was three months when I finally started to cook a little and clean my house, myself. This wasn't that long ago, just a couple of weeks ago that I became independant again..
Although I added a link, here, to the book, The Long Goodbye, I have never read any books and have read very little material on Alzheimer's. In the beginning I did, to learn the stages, etc. But, I could not bare to read one extra word about Alzheimer's because I was living it every day of my life for the past eight years. Eight years IS a long goodbye. I wanted other people in my life to read these books so they could appreciate and understand what I was going through daily. It was so difficult for me to articulate without sounding angry and bitter.
I must say, the message boards at Alz.org have been very helpful. Again, I didn't frequent them just to read up on others. I, selfishly, went there whenever I had a question or needed to vent and I always received such great support, understanding and actually solutions to whatever problem I was going through.
As I look at this picture, I smile and remember some very sweet times during hospice. She was so vulnerable and easy to care for. And, of course, having 1-3 extra women here 24/7 to share the full experience made life so much more bareable.
I see now how much different life would have been if I just had one other person caring for Mom as much as I did. Not to diminish the time and EVERYTHING my son, Ryan has helped with. Ryan did as much for my mom as I did. I mean, he got down and dirty with cleaning her up after a messy diaper. But it was either he or I caring for her, not two people working together at the same time to care for her. I truly believe it's a two person full-time, around the clock job.
As I close for tonight, if you know anyone caring for someone with Alzheimer's, probably with any health issue, I suggest to go over there and just dive in and help. Don't take no for an answer. Clean a bathroom, do a load of laundry, bring a casserole. For those of you who did this for me, it was absolutely priceless. I, sincerely, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Bare with me as I continue my memoirs through this blog.
